Just one more reason to move to Germany

Laugencroissant: A cross between a wholesome, salty, slightly doughy pretzel and a sweet, flaky, delicate croissant.

It's really not that complicated

Never knew that learning all the parts of the body could be so easy.

(honey....those aren't blood vessels.....we call those SADDLE BAGS)

**NOTE: no idea why I saved this image to my desktop and what I was original searching for but wow....what a gem!

Heard it thru the Grapevine....Xmas style

I used to be....how do you say?.....a little obsessed with the California Raisins. Not sure if it's because I am from California, or the fact that one dude plays a mean saxophone...but regardless, I love the little guys. I even had California Raisin slippers...which basically looked like big pieces of poo on my feet. So when they came out with a Claymation Xmas special...I pretty much lost my mind.

And ever since I watched it...I always say "Here we come a "WAFFELING" and people look at me like I am nuts....but here is proof in the pudding that I am not THAT crazy:

Also...their version of "we three kings" is pretty damn funky. I Here it is.....I also used to sing this all funky when I would hear it on the radio years later, and I could not figure out why I always wanted to "break it down" when I would listen to it, but once again....watch the video and you will figure out why:

But this one probably takes the cake:

Bacon Key

If I don't already have carpal tunnels, this little button would be a sure fire way to develop it!

The Dream Team

Pretty much the most awesome combo EVER!

This Superbowl Sampler of Candles was pretty much made for me!! It's almost scary. I mean, come on...Pizza? CHECK. Bacon? CHECK. Beer? CHECK. Popcorn? UM why the F' not?

(ps: I just unfortunately/ fortunately came across this website "Etsy"....WOWZA......dangerzone. I am like freaking out. I have the same sorta feeling like when I first searched "John Travolta" on Ebay years ago. Holy schnikes. This site has so much dope stuff....homemade/ vintage....nutzo. I searched bacon, otters and devo and almost had a heart attack......)

Too bad it wasn't a stick of butter, huh Paula?

(Is that George Bush Sr. in the background?)

I ain't 'fraid no Ghost

It's almost Thanksgiving and Christmas is right around the corner which means that Halloween is long gone...

But a little pumpkin dance never hurt anyone.

Oh ...and ....awesome Halloween costume for next year? I say, damn straight.

I think I know what I want for my Birthday

Rave it out

Draft Text Messages

These are all real draft text messages from my cell phone that were somehow, for some reason or another, never actually sent. Enjoy....and don't worry...I have no idea what half of them mean either. Also...note-these are all exactly typed as they appear on my phone. I changed nothing. Too bad my draft message folder does not record the time or date at which these were created. That would probably help us understand what I was trying to say at least a little bit more.....or so one would think. Anyhoo...here ya go:

"at the show"

"Um. Yeah. That was me this morning. Cant wait to get back there"

"What is ladybug in german"

"looks like"

"In bathroo"

" ;) i need"

"Cool. I am already at se"

"So looks like we will have free time between 130 and 530 on sunday. We should hook up and get some food or something. want you to meet rachel"

"oct 16 is the best date to do it. I can"

"we found clayton. Found a spot to the very right of the trees toward the back. Tiny blanket. Sorry"

"Or bust a kidney"

"Is the hotel rate only"

"Sweet"

"We are wasted but been hanging out with mandy"

"I love you so much and I at wasted wih manedom" <---- (ookayyyy???)

"Hi baby. I miss you."

"S"

"What"

"You"

"Man oh Man"

"Saweet. Foot have to take kids to bart"

"Sorry. It sucks that i have to do it today. We may have to come pick up the car here later. Call me when you have a second"

"I am headin to abru"

"Nevermind. Its Eva" <------(dont know a freaking eva ...)

"I can meet you"

"You fee like egg plant" <------(yes...TWO words)

"I left"

"I was"

"We are down to just chill here. Wish we had a new"

"they"

"101 south t"

"meeti"

"yellow cab"

"my alarm goes off than less then 30 mid"

"Bummer"

"Yeah. Much"

"I be here and it does not look lik"

"Cool beans. What time you"

"Meg is"

"Via"

"Up puppies are so cute. But I think I like the rosa" <-----(i only wish i knew)

"I am back"

"Going o"

"Ah cool. Its our friend michael who you have met art show and sorta early birthday. You could come. How is joned"

"what size shirt do you think dad is?" <-----(rad)

"of course"

"would you want to try that activia" <-----(hahahahhaha)

'I am so ready to have some licorice"

"we will do"

"Just been trying to get parkin my"

"I think so too"

"In N out" <-----(amen)

Never thought I would agree with O'Reily

BACON POLICE----Not down

Wha Wha wee Wahhh...this one almost hurts to even read

Check out the recipe here: Frozen Peanut Pie with Candied Bacon (<--click)

Pretty much the only reason to move to Arkansas

"In Queso Fever: A Movie About Cheese Dip" from Nick Rogers on Vimeo.

October is National Pizza Month

Wow....am I late to the game or what? And I am a little ashamed and pretty embarrassed that I am just NOW on Oct 21., realizing that October is National Pizza Month. Well, this guy obviously loves pizza more than I do because he has a website called 31 Days of Pizza (<-----click). Check it out. This lucky son of a gun is going to a different pizza place each day of the month. What an awesome idea. Some may say that they would get sick of pizza 31 days in a row. But this little lady would have to disagree. To me....that sounds like heaven on earth. Damn it. Well. I guess I do have 10 days left. Better late than never! I think I know what's for dinner tonight (and tomorrow and the next day and the next....)

Brontosaurus would never do this to you

Just one more reason why T-Rex is lame and Long Necks are DOPE

No...but seriously.....

WHAT? I don't even know where to begin with this picture.

(I wish I could say that I made this but I didn't...just something weird that came up during a random google search. Lord only knows what my search terms were that led me to this gem)

RRRRRRRR-Ruffles have BACON?

These bad boys do- made right here in the Mission in San Francisco

Click here to check them out---> Bacon Potato Chips from Who's Your Daddy

Creepy Crawlies in Golden Gate Park

So yesterday as I was walking T-Mac around Golden Gate Park, I came upon the weirdest thing I haven ever seen coming crawling out of the bushes. No...it was not a creepy bum. That would not be that weird for this park. No....it was not one of the cute lil' squirrels or ducks that T-Mac loves to chase...Nope...none of those either.

So I was walking right by Stow lake and was thinking about how much I like this quiet little path by the water, when I looked down and saw this nasty looking “weird red/ lobster/ crayfish/ scorpion” thing. It was crawling away from the bushes and up onto the path I was walking on.

I was like "HOLY!!!!! AHHHHHH!"

I froze.

It froze.

Despite me going "T-mac look..look...LOOK" while pulling his leash towards the little creature assuming that he would start barking or something. T-Mac did not even see it. He just kept glancing right over it and looked at me like WTF? - But the little weird red/ lobster/ crayfish/ scorpion still got freaked out by my big dog so it rocked back on its tail and raised its pincers in the air. It was at least 6 inches from tip of the tail to its head. It looked like something out of a discovery channel pre-historic documentary show or something. It was freaking WEIRD. And of course, T-Mac, the dog, STILL did not even see it. I picked up a stick to see if this lobster/ scorpion would pinch it with its pincers but it wouldn't. It just sat there balancing- ready to pounce on us.

So since T-Mac obviously didn't care about the creepy thing, we just left it there, looking all creepy with its antennae twitching around- being gross and me pretty weirded out. I came home and tried to explain what I saw to my roommate- what that little creature looked like and how it balanced on its tail and I sounded like a crazy person. Especially the part about it looking like a red lobster since lobsters only turn red AFTER you cook them. So I decided to google it to figure out what it was. I was having a hard time finding stuff using the terms "red/ lobster/ crayfish/ scorpion" but then I finally came up on this posting. It's good to know that I am NOT crazy and that other people have seen the same little weird creature. I just hope to not see another one. Not really my bag.

Get out of my Picture Mutha Licker

I never knew the name for it but "photobombing" is freakin hilarious. Check out this website totally dedicated to it: PHOTOBOMB (<--click)

here are some of my favorites (creepy yet hilarious):

Please Please Please don't make me have to choose!!

Who's the cutest in the animal kingdom? (<---click)

Oh dear god...how could I choose? Welp....we all know who some of the top runners are: obviously baby otters, baby seals, baby pandas and polar bears. But man, I forgot at how cute baby lion cub (loungin below or the red panda cub in the 2nd pic.) Okay. So check out the link above from the NY Daily News which has 101 Pics of baby animals. Trust me- totally worth going through all 101 (except #101.....eh.....just my opinion!!) You can probably get through all of them pretty fast unlike me who spent at least 10 minutes looking at this site. This was due to the fact that I had to stop and go all goo-goo gah-gah over pretty much every picture except the last one (yuck) and some weird monkeys who look like dogs in weird tribal costumes (see #65.) Wonder what freak gave the OK for those pics to be included....who knows? They obviously did NOT ask me for my opinion...I can think of plenty of other animals that are way cuter....um..how about a baby squirrel? or lets see...a baby koala maybe? It's really NOT that hard

pretty damn cute huh?

I couldn't if I tried

Amen brutha

I love syrup and Bacon!!!

Bacon wrapped hot dogs that use maple syrup coated flapjacks for the Bun

This takes Breakfast in Bed to a whole new level

Don't care where it's from....I love em all

Here is a dope list of Regional Pizza Styles.

Pizza People

Yes...there is a whole website dedicated to this:

People in Pizza Slice Costumes Becoming Pizzas (click on link)


(don't worry....none of the pics are as creepy as this chick)

Pizza Flavored Beer?.......Say Whaaaat?

Pizza in Beer......or pizza flavored beer...whadeva...It's called "Mamma Mia! Pizza beer" and it comes out of Glendale, Wisconsin.

It was invented by Illinois restaurateurs Tom and Athena Seefurth, who took traditional beer ingredients (malted barley, hops, yeast, water) to traditional pizza makings (tomatoes, oregano, basil, garlic and a wheat pie crust). The golden ale is filtered to remove any crumbs and seeds, but the spicy, fresh-baked aroma remains. So does the overpowering flavor of oregano, basil and garlic.

yada yada yada....looks like I need to go to Pizza Port in San Diego soon to try this SOB.

Fireflies Rule

I have never seen a real firefly before since they don't live out here in California....so my friends caught one and sent me this video- which is pretty much the most amazing thing EVER!!!

waffles stuffed with bacon?

I was just saying this morning how I can't remember the last time I went out to breakfast...which means it has been WAY too long.  And now seeing this picture, even though I am not a huge waffle fan, anything involving syrup and bacon is pretty much TITS in my book. So yeah...breakfast- at a restaurant, with endless cups of coffee and bacon will be happening this weekend..no ifs ands or BUTTS (ewwww)

How far is Orlando from SF? I need one of these and I need it NOW

(they are so tiny....)

okay your turn.....

Man...this really makes me wanna play GUESS WHO? 

It always sucked when you got either:

a.) a girl (because there were like 4 total or something so you were pretty much doomed from the get-go to LOSE!

b.) a person wearing a hat

c.) a bald dude

d.) a red head (welp....because ....do I really need to say it?)

I loved to flick the little flappy things down with my middle fingers sorta like I was a librarian or something. I probably did it slowly too...sorta like I was sorta through important stuff and probably played with Lee press on nails too at some point while makin a sorta fishy face as I scan the rows looking for heads to flick down. This is also one of those games that I thought I was "good" at which is basically bullshit when you really think about it, right? I mean, this game really does not take much skill. Since when does asking the "Do you have a mustache?" qualify as a skill?

Milk are for babies, when you get older you drink beer

"I was always dreaming about very powerful people, dictators and things like that. I was just always impressed by people who could be remembered for hundreds of years, or even, like Jesus, be for thousands of years remembered."

 - Arnold Schrwarzenegger

Then how do you explain what happened in July 1991 when you decided to make this crazy deal:

"The $1.25 million agreement between Schwarzenegger and "Pumping Iron" director George Butler allowed the star to "destroy any and all portion thereof" of the film and 90 hours of additional footage as well as still photographs owned by Butler that Schwarzenegger considered "embarrassing" or which might "reflect negatively" on the actor's "professional or private life."  (Check out the Film Purchase Agreement  for yourself at the Smoking Gun.)

Crazy right? 

SO WHY WOULD YOU EVEN WANT TO CONSIDER DESTROYING THE FILM DUDE? YOU COULD BE LIKE JESUS, AND BE REMEMBERED FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS REMEMBERED.

Poo-Poo, Pee-Pee, Ca-Ca....

Try drinking water upside down from the Opposite side of the glass

Besides John Travolta, Corey Feldman, Christian Slater and Danny from the New Kids on the Block, one of my childhood crushes was the one and only KTVU-Channel 2 News Anchor, Dennis Richmond.  Not really sure why- but you can't help who you fall for!! I remember being super young and watching TV and then the boring ass news would come on and there HE would be.... sitting next to that Leslie Griffith (pre-plastic surgery Leslie Griffith with her weird blond up-do...probably some gross french twist or something.) I remember feelin almost like paralyzed by his handsomeness. I assume most girls my age did not have the same reaction to this man as I did.

I never knew much about Dennis Richmond. I mean- to be honest- when I told people I thought he was hot, I often said Dennis Rodman instead of Richmond on accident.

Pretty much all I knew about the guy was that he lived in Oakland and I was told that he was a big smoker and worked out a bunch (all about balance, right?) But other than being hot, having a great voice and looking like he probably gives good hugs...he was pretty much a mystery to me. 

Unfortunately- after 32 years he retired and is no longer on the air so I don't get to see him on TV anymore. I guess I could get all stalkarazzi like and google Image search him all day long or whenever I need a fix but I don't. (not until today!!)

But lucky me....while searching for camping articles, I came across this little gem: KTVU-Anchor Transition without a Hiccup. Turns out Dennis Richmond has a HICCUP PROBLEM and had one the entire time he was on air. WTF? Not only that.....he LIMPS from a paralyzed left ankle. I mean...hold the phone!! My mind is blown....I mean....I ...I still love the guy (obviously...gray hair and all) but um...hello? you could have informed me of this like....hmmm..let's see....mmmm....20 years ago!!! 

Don't worry Michael....

Santa doesn't care if you are an atheist.

I wonder what Jesus has to say about Mom's potty mouth.

Pretty, Pretty Pretty Smart

I mean...I tend to eat pizza so fast that I don't even waste my time with a "plate" or have enough  leftover pizza that would necessitate a storage box for the fridge (if any left at all) but that's just me. Regardless....this is pretty damn clever.

This kitty Puts the "Sweepy" in Sweepy Lil' Baby

I don't want to admit how many times Rachel and I watched this video. Nor do I want to admit to the kinds of squeaks and squeals that came out of our mouths while we goo-goo'd and gaa-gaa'd over this munchkin.

I was gettin worried that my blog was just not enough anymore.

So....I recruited some additional help to spread my thoughts and wisdom to the rest of the world (or at least to portions of Market Street here in San Francisco!)

My BaDizzle

....Sorry for the Coitus Interruptus.....

(you would think that being unemployed would allow me to keep this bad boy updated with new awesome and obviously ridiculously funny posts but somehow I have been pretty much uninspired which means no bloggy blog. But I got the bug again- so be prepared to laugh your butts off....cause Quack attack is back Jack!)

BACON BEER PIZZA and BABY OTTERS: the most updated and raddest blog EVER! Keeyah!!!

Once again....Bacon makes something great...even better!

Yes, my friends...that is Bacon Flavored Pancakes. I am not a huge pancake fan but when I do eat them- I love to drench them and pretty much everything else on my plate (ex: bacon, eggs, sausage....) with a massive amount of syrup. (weird....Courtney using an excessive amount of a condiment on her food??? no..that can't be!) I can't wait to try these bad boys....who is down for some flap jacks? Eat my shorts IHOP. You ain't got nuttin on these.

Oh yeah...haha...this dude even has 5 different flavors of BACON JERKY including Jalapeno and some Tomato/ BLT flavor! Wah wah wee wah. Check out the description from the website....try not to wet yourself:

"The best part about Bacon Jerky in comparison to regular bacon is that when you cook bacon, the aroma floats through the air calling out to those around you to come and get it which means that you have to share. With Bacon Jerky it’s ready to eat the second you want it! "

Um....if that is not a little piece of heaven then I don't know what is. check out this rad blog that is responsible for all this porky product goodness: Bacon is Meat Candy

A little insight on my take on Valentines Day

me: what are you doin for your girlfriend for V-day?

unnamed: well she told me to do nothing. she said it was a silly ass holiday.....

me: hahahah right :) dont we all!

unnamed: you do? ahh fuk

me: yup! i think its a retarded holiday BUT.............................. so is easter !

unnamed: riiiiiiight

me: but i still want a damn cadbury egg!

unnamed: hahahahahah

The decision has been made.....

My first purchase with the money I get from my first unemployment check shall be:

I might even opt to "go LARGE".....we will just have to wait and see how angry I am that day!

Pretty Spot on Trader Joe's Commercial

except he forgot to mention the dope prosecco

Headline on CNN:

"Healthy kidney removed through donor's vagina "

Ouch eeee wah wah!

no thanks!

Is this going to be forever?

Stoned Little Kid After Dentist Visit - Watch more Free Videos
I really wonder what sorta procedure this kid had that required the dentist to use so much drugs that he got so f'd up. I love hearing peoples stories of how weird they got after they had their wisdom teeth taken out. After I woke up from getting my wisdom teeth out- i was ALL weird when they woke me up. When they tried to assist me with walking and help me lay down afterwards- I swear I almost decked out one of the nurses. ..i was like DON'T TOUCH ME...i am FINE. Meanwhile- my friend told me he woke up and said he got up and like hugged the entire nursing staff and doctor. Another buddy said he asked his mom if she wanted him to drive, because he was not used to being wasted in front of his parents. When they were putting my sister under for her wisdom teeth she told the nurses "I am just gonna close my eyes- but you guys can keep talking. I am totally still listening. I am just shutting my eyes." They were probably like...sure honey....Totally like shit you say at a sleep over when you are totally falling asleep !! Oh man- but the funny thing is...is that we were all probably like 19 years old at the time that we dealt with all that. This poor kid is like what..7 years old?? Ha Ha Ha....oh man. Party On!

Kinda Creepy.....

Freaky kids...but just seeing the word "Cadbury" makes want a creme egg..god damn it!

This sorta BLEEP cracks me the BLEEP up

Like I needed one more reason to go to Thailand

Check out this pizza from a Thai pizza chain called, The Pizza Company (<----click here)

Did I die and go to heaven? just a few of your stuffed crust choices include:
Pork Cheese burger
Double bacon cheese
Extra Cheesy Sausage bites
Puff (wtf???--i guess this is sorta like a calzone)

And this is just the crust options....check out the cheese dippin sauce! oh mama mia!

Matthew 26:27

Amen Brutha. Um....so..supposedly this is on Haight and Masonic...I literally live like one block away from this...I am gonna go investigate and see if this truly exists. If they offered bacon and beer at church- I just might go attend Sunday mass more often then I do now...which is basically never!

I used to pound the "blood of Christ" as a kid. I think i was the only one in my family who would go for it. After eating the little wafer/ communion/necco wafer/ Styrofoam tasting thingy..I would get in the wine line and wait my turn with my hands folded all weird (you have to fold them in some weird way- all cupped and I can never remember how....I don't think anybody really knows how and everyone just pretends to know.) Then some fellow church person- probably an oldie- would hold up the goblet (which they would just wipe with a hankie and turn after the person before me- probably another oldie- just took a sip of wine aka "blood" from it....sorta not sanitary at all...but whatevs.....free wine is free wine...especially when you are like 9 years old!!) So they hold it up and say BLOOD OF CHRIST and i would say AMEN....and then take the big ol cup, tilt my head back and just gulp!! They would usually have to pull the cup away! Whatever...I am just getting my moneys worth I guess. Then I would just walk back to my aisle to hook back up with the rest of my family (sans Dad since "he didn't believe in god" ---no FAIR!!) and pretend to pray and/ or bug my siblings...ususally a combo of both!

It's not even a question of what I am gonna watch tonight!

For some people- especially those without DVR (losers), tonight could be a night of personal struggle. A night of filled with a wrenching internal debate of what do! An evening ruined by constantly going back and forth about which show to watch. "Do I watch the Season Premier of LOST or Restaurant Wars on Top Chef?" This is all sorta like the earlier episodes of LOST "Do I push the button or NOT?"

What to do? What to choose? Puh-leeeese.....Gonna be honest...I am not excited one bit for the season premier of LOST tonight. Kinda don't give a hoot. I used to be the biggest die hard LOST fan (check previous postings from years past) but now....duck don't give a F*ck. I couldn't even make it through last season. So sorry Charlie.

The choice is easy for me... So..Sorry Tailies....Sorry all you "front people on the plane" and sorry to all the random new people from that boat (not really- you were all pretty annoying)...this girl is gonna watch Top Chef.

I am actually pretty damn excited for mutha f'in RESTAURANT WARS on Top Chef though...KEE YAH! My friends and I have a running bet going. We chose who we thought would win TOP CHEF (not who we wanted to win...totally different) and whoever LOSES has to take the winning team out to dinner to the restaurant of their choice! The cheftestant doesn't necessarily have to win the show- it's just whoever makes it on the show the longest! Let's meet the teams:

Team Stefan: Courtney and Johnny
Although he is a total dick (I mean...cock) we think he just might win the title of Top Chef. I hate him..but he just might get me a free meal.



Team Fabio: Schroeder and Rachel
I think they both just had a boner for his little Italian accent at first. But pretty boy ain't looking too hot lately! Sorry pasta boy!

The funny thing is, is that none of really want either of these two dudes to win. We all sorta want Hosea to win but we picked these guys from the start so we are stickin with them. Not too many episodes left.....Johnny and I better start thinking about where we want to go.....

San Francisco isn't afraid to get rid of its BUSH

even if it is just for a day...Bush Street gets a make over here in San Francisco (<--click to read)

sorta makes me pop a woody

Super Rad Scrabble Keyboard

Go Obama!

Lord knows I have.....

Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven?
-Zack Galifinackis

In all seriousness- I secretly do kinda like her show. I mean...it's not like I watch it religiously every week- or like I DVR it or anything (there really is no need because its on so often otherwise I would toy with the idea of recording it). I haven't had a chance to watch the show in a while but when I was living in the mission with my sister, I definitely caught a few too many Saturday mornings on the couch or in my bed, with Devo in my lap, watching That's So Raven on Disney-legitimately laughing pretty hard and all joking aside....enjoying myself. I mean...the chickie babe's got psychic powers and the show can be pretty damn funny. I guess it's sorta reminds me of Out of this World from back in the day- except for the fact that Evie Ethel Garland was way hotter than Raven....obviously!

I'm just being honest here...knock it if you want. But believe you me...if you give it a chance and actually sit down and watch a full episode--you will find yourself laughing at some point...I mean..yes...Her parents are annoying- and so is her red headed friend, Chelsea (although she is pretty hot now that she lost some weight--which I think she just passed onto Raven and the rest of the cast who have all gotten progressively heavier with each season...have you seen her little brother lately? Probably not because most of you who read this aren't prepubescent girls who watch the Disney channel on Saturday mornings at 9 am...but trust me...he is a big boy now!---scratch that...bigger boy!) Anyhoo....I am just sayin, I am just putting all my cards on the table and saying it loudly and proudly- I LIKE THAT'S SO RAVEN! (oh and Suite Life with Zack and Cody which usually comes on right after is pretty good too...what???)

Give me Five....

Up High....Down Low....to the side...Your to slow....



No..wait...your blind...my bad....okay...It's official...I'm going to hell...

World's Oldest Woman Credits Longevity to Crispy Bacon

Gertrude Baines lives in Los Angeles, loves bacon, and at 114 years old is now the oldest person in the world. She credits her longevity to “religious faith, doing the right thing and the occasional piece of crispy bacon“.



Damn...if this is true...I am gonna live to be like at least 150 years old! Booyahkasha

Pork Butt

I think we all know I need these

some people just don't get it....

Two of my favorite things in one!

For sure one of the best X-mas gifts of 2008