Alberquerque

Once again...thank you McSweeneys....

HOW SOMEONE WITHAN AMERICAN PUBLIC-SCHOOL EDUCATION WHO DIDN'T REALLY PAY MUCH ATTENTION IN CLASS BUT LEARNED JUST ENOUGH TO PASS EXAMS IMAGINES THE FIRST THANKSGIVING.
BY MATT PASSET
- - - -
PILGRIM: Happy First Thanksgiving. Thank you for having us to your tepee.
INDIAN: How!
(The INDIAN holds his hand in the air with his palm facing out.)
INDIAN: That means "Hello" in Indian.
PILGRIM: We came here on the Mayflower. It is that big ship over there. It has nothing to do with the Niña, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria. That is something else completely.
INDIAN: We are having a powwow; it is like a meeting.
(PILGRIM takes a bite of food.)
PILGRIM: This is good. What is it?
INDIAN: That is corn. It is also called maize.
PILGRIM: Yes, like a labyrinth.
INDIAN: (Mumbles something inaudible about David Bowie.)
PILGRIM: Thank you for introducing corn to me. This turkey is good, too.
INDIAN: We hunted it. We are hunters and gatherers.
PILGRIM: Excuse me one second; the buckle to my shoe has come undone.
(PILGRIM bends down and buckles his shoe.)
PILGRIM: This is a nice neighborhood.
INDIAN: It is called Plymouth Rock. It does not refer to one single rock. We are not eating dinner on some large rock sitting by the water, even though people might one day think that. We just moved here. We used to own Manhattan, but sold it for $24. They paid us in buttons and arrowheads.
PILGRIM: (Sarcastically.) Wow, $24! That, uh ... sounds like a good deal.
INDIAN: We have casinos and sell cheap cigarettes.
(INDIAN lights a peace pipe, adjusts his feather headdress.)
PILGRIM: I have a buckle on my hat, I think for no reason.

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2007/11/21passet.html

Happy Early Thanksgiving! Gobble Gobble

My version of a Meat-Free Thanksgiving

Probably the only kind of vegetarian Turkey I would consume!

50 ways to Kill a twinkie

This is really awesome....they must be pretty bored up there in Seattle.

Check out Cakespy.com

Wanted: Cheerful, chubby men, preferably with fluffy white beards and no criminal record, ready to work hard for one month.

Germany is running out of qualified Santas....Let's pray this does not happen here. Let this picture below be a warning of what could happen:

Country faces Santa shortage

(click for article)

Warning: The Greig Kids Can really dance

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

thank god for my lil' notebook

So, I have been meaning to research this for a while and for some reason just remembered to today. A few weeks back, I was sitting at a random sports bar in Alameda, drinking some beers- watching some college football and I just happened to glance away from the TV I was watching and from the corner of my eye , I saw somethin rather odd on one of the other TVs. It was some other sports channel and 'I was like WTF is that?' Its like a combo of hacky sack (hippies) and volleyball... at the same time and then...WHOA MAMA...they started doin flips and shit (no joke)...and before I could see what the hell it was...someone changed the channel...or my game came back on..I can't remember...regardless..not the point...anyways...I made a little note in my little notepad that I now carry around everywhere with me, in which I jot down random stuff like grocery lists, song titles, Halloween costume ideas, funny things I see or stuff like this:


Anyhoo, I was just goin through my little book and found this note again and deciding to finally do what I told myself to do! And after a little bit of googlin' I have now come to find out this "sport" was not a hoax or a joke. This thing is real and its called SepakTakraw or just Takraw. I guess we here in the USA even have team. Its pretty rad but really weird....ladies and Gentleman....TAKRAW...keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyah!

Rumor has it...the album aint that bad...screw it...it's a free DP anyways, right?

Dr. Pepper is giving away free soda starting Sunday. Dr Pepper is making good on its promise of free soda now that the release of Guns N' Roses' Chinese Democracy is a reality.

Oink Oink Gobble Gobble Quack Quack Cluck Cluck

Alright Alright Alright....Looks pretty damn good right? Well...that was obviously my gut reaction too when I saw a freakin Turkey wrapped completely in bacon. But when I then saw that is was actually a chicken stuffed in a duck stuffed in a turkey, all wrapped in bacon....otherwise known as a TurBACONducken (bacon-wrapped turducken). I started to get a little more excited. I am gonna be honest here. I am a little ashamed to admit, for the being the crazy meat eater that I am, I have not had the pleasure of eating a turducken (I know) yet but the idea of adding BACON to that bird seems like the work of a god if you ask me...that was until I clicked on the link at BaconToday that provides a step by step (day by day..sorry, 80's theme songs are running ramped through my brain lately) recipe with pictures. Even I almost threw up a little in my mouth. So, go there if you dare. But if I were you, I would just stick to the pic of the good lookin pork wrapped bird I so kindly provided you. Or not....

Analog? wah wah wah

Garfield comics Sans Garfield

garfield MINUS garfield (<--check out other ones)

Maybe i am tired...but this is funny to me for some reason today. And I am not even a comics person. Pretty clever though, right?

"WE" just love Fall clothes.....

Don't you!

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose.....

well...I guess now you CAN pick your friends nose! damn, these are awesome!

spoonsisters.com (<--click on that) and they are only like $9.95 for like 24....hmmm...this could make Christmas pretty funny....watch out grandma!

Matt and the Magic Capsules

Matt: if it makes you feel any better my lunch blew
Me: haha. i have to go eat gross food at a work meeting. i bet mine will be grosser
Matt: lunch provided is usually money
Me: how much you wanna bet my lunch will be gnarly sandos (how californian is that?) and gross salad with weird variety of assorted cookies that are different but all basically taste the same
Matt: haha, ah the generic cookies. I think they put two drops of water on "cookie pills" to make those
Me: like those water things that you drop in the sink and they pop open and become like sponge dinosaurs? and they are all slimey. love those things
Matt: loved those too. i wish more things came in the clear capsule form
Me: totes. i know a few fun things that still do...
hahaha
haha
exactly
oppsy
Matt: that would suck if you took some dinosaur ones!
Me: ouch!
hahah..YOUVE BEEN PUNKED
Matt: haha, now go to the hospital!
Me: the worst shit ever
Matt: were you using that literally or figuratively
Me: combo...
trying to google these..hard
Matt: worst, but prettiest
Me: unless they soak up all the shit...(pun intended)
Matt: haha
http://dinosaurfarm.stores.yahoo.net/dinbatcap.html\
http://dinosaurfarm.stores.yahoo.net/dinbatcap.html
oops
Me:

man i realy want to punk someone now
give it to a pet...hahaha
Matt: haha, get somebody drunk and put it in their butt
Me: oh shit...like a suppository (SP?)
good morning....
Matt: exactly, haha
Me: okay...off to gross meeting...
Matt: have fun! talk to you later
Me: dont go stickin any mgic capsules you know where...or atleast...wait til i get back
Matt: oh I will, I'll make sure we're vid chatting before i do
Me: oh..true
THANK YOU GMAIL upgrades!
Matt: haha, have fun

(return from 2 hr meeting)

Me: i was dead on
Matt: haha, this VP in my office was just talking to the boss here in the art dept. and he said "it's my duty to respect the clients wishes" and I shouted out DUTY! hahaha
people didn't think it was funny
so the food sucked?
Me: hahha ...um..pretty much ...it was the same shit... by the time i got there,the sandiwch choices were ham or salami
Matt: that sucks, did you bring your dinosaur pills?
Me: popped a few before i walked in. just to calm the nerves...nothin major
Matt: true, they are going to hit you soon
Me: just to take the edge off
you mean "drop" pretty soon
Matt: just a triceratops and a T-rex
pretty soon your hitting two brontosauruses so you can go to bed at night
Me: seriously.... its so easy

TOGO's and 49ers go together like Bread and Butta

Number # 30 add Avocado, extra pickles....and they write "Bacon" on my sandwich. What did I do to deserve such a treat? After all these years of getting TOGO's for the niners games, they must really know me!

Oh yeah....I made these Gold Rush girls take this picture. I was like "Hey...can you take a picture with my brother." And at the time that I asked there was only like two of them. And then somehow 6 of them swarmed up around him and they all struck a pose....I was dying! We couldn't stop laughing...Drinkin Jameson at 10 in the morning probably had nothin to do with that

I don't know what this says about me....

This is the gmail chat that accompanies this video:

Matt: was going to send this to you earlier, don't know why
me: shit...midget in the title of the link....TOTALLY DOWN...(clicked and watched video)hahaha...if you only knew my passion for little people
Matt: what are the odds of that happening
me: i am gonna piss my pants....
Matt: so damn funnyhahaha
me: seriosly.............dying
Matt: you can't stop watching them, i'ts like a trainwreck
me: i knowi cant breathe
Matt: haha, so now I know to send horrible shit your way too. I have a pretty big list of people that are going to hellyou will now be added
me: i am so already there.....now i need to go watch the grape lady

So...what is it about me? That after only talking to me for a few hours....one would feel the urge to send me a video of midgets wrestling? Don't know...don't care..because this is awesome.

Sissys in San Jose with Santa circa 1983

My dad just sent me this today in an E-mail that simply said: "HO HO HO! I love you!"
Too Cute....If only we could figure out who the hell that dude in the red suit is.......

Season 5: NEW YORK starts tonight

But since there are no good lookin 'cheftestants' I decided to post images of every one's favorite diabetic from Season....whatever, Sam. You're Welcome!

DOUBLE WHAMMY

Happy Birthday Hottie Boom-ba-Lottie

So, he turns 28 today. I turn 28 on Christmas Eve which is exactly one month and 12 days from now. If I am not mistaken, I think that technically means that we are destined to be together forever and ever. And that it is just a matter of time until we meet and he falls madly in love with me and we get married and make tons of babies... (I mean...that's a given and would probably happen anyways regardless of the birthday coincidence) ...so happy birthday to one of the hottest Canadians out there. Ouchee-wah wah!!

My kind of girl

....but I would not be ashamed of what I had done.

I couldn't resist...

I know I already did a post about these last year (11/19/07 to be exact) but Jesus Christ...i just walked into Walgreen's and as i was browsing the candy aisle for any new fun and festive holiday treats (mainly peppermint flavored shite or fun holiday shaped Reese's) my eyes were once again drawn to these lil' suckers. At first glance you may think, "Ew....look, more nasty ghetto generic versions of the cadbury creme eggs"....you know the kind I am talking about. Here is a sample below:

These are completely nasty. They come in multiple nasty flavors and are completely inappropriate and unacceptable. I am actually offended by them. Insulted really. (I was about to start to go off on nasty ghetto generic candy but I think I will save that for another post) Anyhoo...The ORNAMENT EGGS from Cadbury....they ARE the real thing! They are just like the kinds you get at Easter time...so dig in my friends....Oh and also...lets think about another amazing treat brought to us by Cadbury during the Holiday season....god DAMN i love Christmas!)

I even ate the ones used as decoration in vases at my sister in-law's mother's house last Christmas....that's how good these suckers are.
PS: This is how Cadbury eggs are made.....magical, huh? I want that goop...I want just a freakin bucket of that goop. I would put that stuff on everything...dip pretty much most things in it....I would go as far as dipping bacon (real bacon...yes maam) into the "yolk"...oh lord...PROJECT!!!

I think I know what I am going to be for Halloween next year

Go Vote!